So here I am at spring break. This has been quite the ride . The year started out with much promise. My boss had been threatening to leave for many, many months and he finally did it. He resigned. While he was a good boss the prospect of moving up in my deptartment was nice to look forward to. Mom was doing well and my life was on a nice even course. But life never stays that way. The end of January hits and Mom ends up in the hospital just as my semester starts and my bosses departure looms. If not for the wonderful understanding of so many people, especially my professors, life may have crumbled all around me. As of this writing, Mom is recovering at a great rate, my boss has left but I lost the position to someone with no transportation experience and am expected to train this individual his job making it time for me to move on, and my semester is just flying by to an end date of May 11. So here I now sit at the end of the first half of my last semester, banged up and bruised but looking ever so much at the beginning of a new chapter. Everything happens for a reason….a true quote to believe in. Peace ❤
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay
This week this quote fits life. I used to be the girl who placated everyone. You showed up late….that’s ok. You didn’t follow through with plans…that’s fine. etc…etc…etc… I have found my voice. I have begun life over. I am not yours to walk on., I love a different point of view but never forget I have one too. I am proud of my life. I may have not done it perfect but I did what was right for me and my family. I now live my life on my terms.
As I sit here to write this new post I am spurred on by a professor that encouraged me to write about the many things that interest me. I had just written a wonderful post however it has dissapeared into the twilight so I will give it another try and hopefully will be as brilliant as I previously was.
This week the things that have intrigued me have to do with life and death. Mirred in that which is now my life I deal with an aging parent getting ready to come home from rehabilitation, working two positions because my boss resigned and I have assumed his responsibilities, the impending death of a friends parent and the deaths of a family friend and also a young vibrant woman whos husband passed just two years prior.
As a person in her fifties I realize this is all part of the process of life. At some point in our lives we all deal with the question of immortality or rather the lack thereof. I was 45yrs. old when this realization hit me. Many people like myself deal with it silently, some more open. I spent an entire year afraid of dying and the possibility of leaving my young children. Nothing actually precipitated it, it was just there one day. When I finally opened up to my brother about it I was surprised to find that he had had his own journey at a much younger age. Him being diagnosed with diabetes from age 14yrs. and FSHD a form of muscular dystrophy, he had to evaluate his life at a very early age and come to grips with his journey. My journey led me to the conclusion that even though life is fragile it is all we have. I look at my Mom struggling to get back on her path and am ever so grateful she has this second chance. As for work, it is just that. I will persevere to do the best I can because that is who I am but I will not forget that I am replacable and my legacy is not my work. For those that have passed this week or are headed down that road my heart goes out to their families for it is not those that have passed that suffer the pain, the pain of loss is for the living.
So while many of you think that this has been an awful week for me, it is not so. This has been a week to re-evaluate my path, to be grateful for what I have and to be able to look forward to what lies ahead. It is a good road filled with potholes but I have great tires.