So I am not normally one to watch chick flicks but today watched Sleepless in Seattle. This is such a good movie for reflection. What is it like to have real love? No, this is not a poor me I haven’t found love yet, just an observation on what I have come to know is real love for me. I use to think that real love was what fairy tales were made of. Like most girls of my era we dreamed of the knight in shining armor. We dreamed of everlasting love with bells and whistles. As I have grown up this dream has changed. I learned that the love I thought I had for my ex husband was not real. My love for him was mostly desperation and infatuation. It was not the grow old together kind of love. He was what I thought I wanted and since I was getting close to my thirties he was what I thought was my only option.
I don’t think I have ever been in real love. I had never dated the hold the door open for you guy or the one that would hold you till morning kind of man or the take you on a dinner date dude. My marriage happened because he asked on a whim, I said yes and he was stuck! I loved him enough he just never really did love me, but he taught me so much about what not to look for and gave me the best children anyone could have been blessed with.
I went through my thirties and forties raising my children always hoping that someone would take the time to get to know me but not really having the time to devote to someone. No one ever came along and that was ok.
Now I am in my fifties and looking at three beautifully grown children moving in their own directions. I think about someone in my life from time to time. I have attempted dating sites but have found that dating is essentially the same as it was when I was in my twenties. Men still essentially want the girl that looks awesome, and will take care of them and I have many pot holes and speed bumps. I recently had a thirty something friend admit that while he wanted an intelligent woman he secretly wanted the one that treated him like a king, barefoot and pregnant.
My ideas about what I want have significantly changed over the years. Today a hand to hold, a warm hug and companionship define love for me. I know what real love should be. I watched it in my parents and watch it in the faces of many friends. They had/have that comfort that comes from really knowing someone. My brother has recently found it after two attempts. My daughter is getting married next week and I believe she has found it. They say you know it when you see it. I hope to someday see it sitting across from me but until then I will remain satisfied to watch it in those I love around me. Love? Maybe…